I have 30 minutes until I have to drag myself for the bus stop.
My body is tired but my mind is exhausted.
I get up and change into a simple shirt and jeans. I glance at the clock and realized I’ve moved too slowly. Now I only have five minutes to head out. No lunch for me today, I guess.
I get on the bus and glance at the clock. 15 more minutes until we arrive to school. I can’t wait to mentally break down in class today again. Yay.
At school, I realize I’ve forgotten my Calculus notebook with my homework inside it. Great day.
I breeze through my first few lectures, nothing too special.
I get to my Honors English class, we are talking about class structure once again. Once again, we are faced with the question of the American Dream. Whatever, I’ll just write my paper next week.
Senior Seminar comes next. I frantically check the status of a college application. Nothing is listed so I go on to fill out another scholarship about how I need money for college or else I won’t complete my goal of going to a “prestigious college”. I’ve written about eight of these and I’m tired. I honestly would like to tell them all that it wasn’t my fault I was born into this, it was actually theirs. It is all these wealthy, upper class society’s fault because they’ve shaped the system to advantage them and not me. I am so tempted to write this but I’m a whimp. I go with my usual urban city immigrant girl style. I glance at the clock; 5 minutes until lunch (which I did not bring).
Next is personal finance. I shudder at the cost of student loans and put a “0” next to federal aid. I can’t receive it because I illegally migrated to the states. I actually can’t receive any kind of state aid either because my state thinks that even though I’ve lived here half of my life, I am not a resident of this state. They also decided to bump up the prices almost 3 times more than the regular price because I don’t have a piece of paper with 9 numbers on it; a Social Security. It’s funny to me, to charge a student, who wants to further their education, International Student Rates when they can’t already afford the In-State rates. It’s also funny to say I’m not a resident of this state; I get that I don’t have the status but I still reside here. Reality is the system is screwing me over when it was said to be on my side.
My last class is AP Calculus. I have a love-hate relationship with it. I like learning all these cool abstract math concepts within the 50 minute lecture but I also hate having only 50 minutes to learn there horrific abstract math concepts. We are talking about limits for the fourth time this week and I am so tired of it so I zone out. I glance at the clock. 10 minutes until school is out.
2 hours until my afternoon shift at McDonald’s.
I have 1 hour to complete the huge load of homework before I have to get ready and drive to work.
I have three months until graduation.
3 hours ago I found out I did not receive the scholarship to visit Columbia University. Yes, the Ivy League one.
By the hour I think about what my life will become, I daydream of the future I want to have, but it’s against my favor that I’ll achieve it.